What follows is a check list of character traits used to identify Narcissistic Personality. If your pastor or someone else you know can be characterized by a majority of these realize you have a major challenge on your hands. This check list should be given to those who have had the closest continual contact with the narcissist. Take into consideration that some people whom the narcissist has surrounded himself with will be blind to all these, as they have either become co-dependent with the narcissist, or have blind loyalty to the ‘position of pastor.’

Self-centered. His needs are paramount and take precedence over the church

No remorse for mistakes or misdeeds. Will not offer heartfelt apologies of ask forgiveness.

Unreliable, undependable. Will change his mind and reverse decisions at will

Does not care about the consequences of his actions—may not even understand the connection

Projects his faults on to others. High blaming behavior; never his fault

Little if any conscience. Will do most anything he thinks will not be discovered.  May ask staff to fudge the books.

Insensitive to needs and feelings of others

Has a good front (persona) to impress and exploit others

Low stress tolerance. Easy to provoke into anger

People are to be manipulated for his needs, accomplishing his desires

Rationalizes easily. Twists conversation to his gain at other’s expense. If trapped, keeps talking, changes the subject or gets angry

Pathological lying. Will lie if he thinks it will further his image and if he doesn’t think it will be discovered. When lies are followed up on will imply that the other person is mistaken, and that he never said the lie in the first place  

Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, and group meetings

No real values. Mostly situational

Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses this to manipulate

Angry, rapidly changing moods

Does not share ideas, feelings, emotions

Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word

Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentment

Secret life. Hides money, friends, activities

Likes annoying and provoking others. Likes to create chaos and disrupt for no reason

Moody - switches from nice guy to anger without much provocation

Seldom expresses appreciation unless he is buttering the person up for further use

Grandiose. Convinced he knows more than others and is correct in all he does

Lacks ability to see how he comes across to others. Defensive when confronted with his behavior. Never his fault

Can get emotional, tearful. This is about show or frustration rather than sorrow

He breaks woman's spirits to keep them dependent

Needs threats, intimidations to keep others close to him

Highly contradictory

Convincing. Must convince people to side with him

Hides his real self. Always “on”, playing the part when in public

Kind only if he's getting from you what he wants

He has to be right. He has to win. He has to look good

He announces, not discusses. He tells, not asks

Does not discuss openly, has a hidden agenda

Controls money of others but spends freely on himself

Unilateral condition of, "I'm OK and justified so I don't need to hear your position or ideas."

Always feels misunderstood

You feel miserable with this person. He drains you

Does not listen because he does not care

Is not interested in problem-solving

Very good at reading people, so he can manipulate them

Will exaggerate and brag about past accomplishments

Concerned with getting what he wants NOW—immediately

Will not want to share his pulpit/platform with others

Will be envious of any other staff person who is loved or highly respected by the congregation

Will be overly concerned with the ‘image’ of the church building/bulletins etc.

Feels that he has been taken advantage of over and over again—’knife in the back syndrome.’

Dress may change based on whomever is his latest idol

Spend long hours ‘doing church’, but little will be accomplished

Nit-picky about minute details, but miss the entire big picture

Additional characteristics known only to the narcissist’s spouse:

Sabotages partner. Wants her to be happy only through him and to have few or no outside interests and acquaintances

His feelings are discussed, not the partners

Uses sex to control